Minimize 1 on 1 Opportunities

Before I start, I want to say that this is a prevention method that has many layers to it. I'm going to break it down by situation and by who the potential abusers are.

1. People of Authority 
They are people whom we hold a level of respect for that work with children, and therefore are usually believed to be responsible, good, caring people. Teachers, doctors, coaches, youth leaders, tutors, clergy, babysitters, caretakers etc etc.

The good news is that many organizations may already have in place or are working to put into place a protocol for minimizing the sexual abuse of children. This mostly applies for large organizations that are at greater risk, and lets face it - their insurance companies are actually requiring that they have protocol in place to minimize opportunity as well as reporting procedures and will increase their rates if there isn't. So what do you do if your child is going to be involved in an organized activity - Check out Stop It Now's 9 Questions Parents Need to Ask When Selecting A Program For Their Child.  Basically you want to know:

1. If they have a policy on child sexual abuse prevention 
2. How they train their staff and how do they monitor adult/child interaction 
3. How do they handle situations of inappropriate behavior or suspected or witnessed abuse 

You might feel uncomfortable asking them specifically about child sexual abuse prevention, but the more parents that ask, the more this will become common place. This is not just for the benefit of your child, but all children that will enter the program.

Stop it Now has other tip sheets on their site as well:
For Summer Camp
For Sports Programs
For Faith Communities
For Daycare and Education

It gets trickier when it involves situations where you can't necessarily avoid a 1 on 1 scenario with your child and another adult like a tutor or music teacher. So what do  you do - find out where the tutoring will be taking place - can you do it in your home or at the library instead? If it's at their home - where? Who else may be home? Is it an open door policy that you can stop in at any time? If so - STOP IN on occasion. Let that person know that you're not blindly trusting them with the safety of your child. Or sign them up at a place where you can feel more comfortable - a music school with more teachers. A tutor that will come to your house.

Regarding babysitters, you are obviously putting a great amount of responsibility into the hands of this person. They are alone in your home with your children. You cannot do a background check on someone who is under 18. But you can request references and DO call them. Ask them if there has ever been anything that made them question the babysitter's behavior.  You have the right and the obligation to do the research and put your child in a program or in the care of another that makes you feel comfortable.

2. Family, Friends, and our Children's Peers

Not only does it seem impossible to imagine that a family member, friend, or even another child would sexually abuse a child, but you're probably also thinking "you're crazy if you think we can minimize one on one time with family!" The truth is: 40-50% of children that are abused, are abused by a family member. 40% are abused by an older or larger child. Yes, you read that correctly! And yes, there is a difference between children exploring their sexuality and harming another child sexually. Whether it's a parent aunt/uncle, cousin, sibling, grandparent, neighborhood kid - it is happening. So what can we do to minimize 1 on 1 time, when really - it's a natural part of growing a relationship?

Let your house have an open-door policy when applicable. If it's daytime and people are around the house - doors should be open if there is more than one person in the room. This should apply every day even  if it's just your immediate family or people are over to visit.  One on one time doesn't need to be in a closed bedroom or down in the basement out of view. Be aware of who is where and if you notice that certain people are not in a common area - pop in and see what they're up to. It doesn't have to be sneaky or defensive. And when you do so - observe their demeanor. Are they surprised? Are they comfortable that you've now entered the room or are they uneasy? If your gut is telling you something, listen to it. Don't feel guilty because the thought popped into your head that someone you love and/or trust could potentially be a sexual abuser - be proud of yourself that you've allowed your sense of vigilance to overpower the natural desire to deny that "good" (or people we consider to be good) people can do harmful or abusive things.

Beyond abuse that may occur in the home, also consider how to protect your children when one on one activities occur outside the home. When two people are going out alone together - ask them what their plans are before they leave - how does the adult or older child act? Do they provide specifics? Notice the adult or older child's ability to be upfront and comfortable with you. If a child is going to a friend's house to play, find out who is going to be home. Make sure you've met the parents, know who the siblings are and their names.

 When they come back - notice the behavior of the child, are they happy and talking about their trip? Ask them specifically what they did. Notice their demeanor. If something seems off - pursue it. Don't just shrug it off that the child is being moody or wants to be left alone. Investigate. More often than not a child is too scared, confused, and ashamed to tell someone they've been abused. Furthermore, most abused children will say "no" the first time they're asked if they've been abused. Do right by the child and make sure that you feel 100% comfortable that everything is alright. If you suspect something inappropriate or abusive occurred, tell them it's the right thing to tell you if something bad happened. That you won't be mad. That you're here to protect them.

The more aware we are of the opportunity for a child to be sexually abused the greater we are able to prevent it from occurring.